Ugly is Beautiful
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Life is ugly.
Some days, I feel amazing, and I make all the right decisions. I love those days.
There are others in which it is not really about taking a decision, but rather enjoying time with my love ones. Those days are special as well.
Then, there are days in which I take a bad decision that puts me in a place where it’s likely I take another bad decision, and when I finally wake up, I took many horrible decisions, and that’s when the self-hate starts.
It’s tough and painful.
Painful because I want to go far in life, but I keep falling short on times.
Some people can ignore it. Some people can just say, “It’s just a day” or “It isn’t that deep”, but I can’t. I’m too self-aware for that.
And, while I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, I know that’s my reality, and I can’t change what I am at my core.
Sometimes, I’m too attached to my reality, to my life. I suffer a lot. I struggle with mental health, and sometimes I just want to give up.
But, and this may sound funny, I think it’s beautiful.
All this suffering and this pain, I don’t know if it has any meaning, but I genuinely don’t care. It’s not about meaning, honestly, it’s about experience.
I’m deeply in love with the human experience, both with the beautiful and with the ugly.
I can find especially beautiful the ugly itself, for some reason. I don’t need a happy ending. The mere suffering is part of life, and I don’t need it to go.
It has nothing to do with overcoming hardship and becoming a better version of myself. While that’s something I strive towards every day, it’s not the point.
Everything I feel is what makes me human, and I love it.
I don’t need anything to change. Life is beautiful this way.